I’m ok I’m happy i’ll be happy i’ll be ok

Wops, somebody search about the meaning of ‘Eung’ in korean and bump to my previous post that have that as the title. Sorry, u got nothing instead my ‘diary words’ there..hehe. but i search about that before i write this. and i found the meaning :
응 (read : eung) means yes. (my notes: sometimes i saw it on variety too and it used to express our surprise feeling, like ‘ehh?’ word *i hope someone correct this if i’m wrong.. πŸ™‚ *)

Now start blabbering about my day again..^^. this gonna be a long post. kkk. My mood was really bad since my previous post. And i know that my previous post really ‘trash words’. huft.. its bad. Since i want to write something that can make me smile everytime i read it and that post is really had ‘sad’ and ‘bad’ feeling. but its okay, i am happy now, i’m better now, and i hope it’ll long last.
I often read fanfiction nowadays, and today i found a foreword from suju fanfic that caught my attention :here it is (credit : chsyoj @ asianfanfics.com and if you want to read the story : its here). and this is the words that caught my attention :

Useless ……… the only word that describe my life
Loneliness………. the word that I can feel towards my surroundings
Emptiness………… the word that can describe my heart.

I hate everything around me.
I hate those people who pretended that they care.
I hate myself for not even trying to stand up for myself.
I hate it.

And the one thing that reminded me of all those things are the tear drops coming from the sky.
The rain.
It reminded me of pain that I was keeping..
It reminded me how digusting I am to people.

The poem (may i call it poem ?) is really match with me. hoho.. (i think its really gloomy though..)
but yup. every single line really have a meaning for me. Thats what i feel when i was slump. the ‘rain’ thing.. the ‘hate my self for not even trying to stand up for my self’..useless.. aish.. its such a mood ruiner thing..keke.

but the story of the fanfic is really far from my life. i’m still have a lot of thing better than the main cast (Haneul). yeah.. u better read it to understand.i should be thankful for what i have now. i have a lot..much of things.. maybe there are one, two, or many thing that i can’t get, i’ve missed, i still can’t reach, but indeed, i think my life have more than enough. i have a lot of things (even semething simple) that should make me happier in life.

I always nagging, and protest about my life. why like this? why like that? why there’s noone who can protect me? why there’s noone who can support me? cheer me up? Aish.. stop that. If there’s noone outside there, then i should try to add the power of myself, cheer up my self, because if there’s noone outside there and i keep nagging and protesting, noone will hear and care right? so its much much much better to waste my time to cheer my self up and make my self better. Its much better to keep my mind positive, because if i beaten by all of my bad thinking, negative thinking,i can’t move forward.

I’m okay now, i’ll be happy,, and i’ll be ok. Hwaiting git!! You can be better than now! Cheer up! ^^


6 thoughts on “I’m ok I’m happy i’ll be happy i’ll be ok

  1. Words will stay as words, it may or may not help you. As far as I can see in this post, you often ask about why life is being unfair (?) to you. For you and Hanuel (fic) you just have to look beyond what life really is and discover the essential part of it and treasure it. Ahh~ this post was months ago. I should have stumble here earlier. Anyway!! HWAITING~~ By the way that was suppose to be a poem but it didn’t turned out well. πŸ™‚

    1. Oh?? i’ve attracted with this part ?

      By the way that was suppose to be a poem but it didn’t turned out well. πŸ™‚

      and now i’m dying to ask who are you ? (don’t get me wrong and please read it like a little girl who ask something with full of curiosity πŸ™‚ )ur last part of the comment make me think that you’re the writer of the ‘poem’. πŸ™‚

      It’s ok though that was posted months ago, i’m happy there are people who stumbled here and commented.:)

      you’re right.. i often asking why life is being unfair, but the worst part is i often blamed myself because i can’t be strong of my weakness, i hate it when i’m weak, but i can’t help myself to be stronger. aigoo..pathetic. haha. (btw,i hope this will not destroy my mood coz i write this reply when i’m in a good mood now :))
      maybe this is the part of being the mature me, because so far, this year is the hardest time of my life.terrible mood swings, afraid with my future life, etc. i’m trying now. trying to keep myself stronger (bcoz thats one of the things that i can’t give up) and i hope with writing i can help myself. i hope it can reduce my sadness and share my happiness through it.
      oh,, great. now i’m blabbering to you.haha.sorry. thanks for comment..:) really. and sorry for my english, i am a little bit dizzy now bcoz i want to say so much things, but my english isn;t that good. :). however i hope u can understand what i’ve tryin to say. πŸ™‚ and i hope u read this reply. πŸ™‚
      thanks again..

      1. πŸ˜€ its okay I understand perfectly. Yeah I’m the writer of the ‘poem’. LOL sorry I couldn’t help myself to comment here. Anway.
        I remember when I wrote that part. I was really depressed cause I feel like everything is falling apart in my life so I decided to convey my feelings into words and created a story out of my sadness. And hoping when I finish it, the fictional character and me, will find happiness and live a “happy ending”. But as I say words will stay as words. Me and the story are different to each other.
        It’s hard to find a happy ending in reality, you have to fight for it.

        Ahh mood swings, there were times that I question my self why I’m kind and quiet then suddenly I want to curse the whole universe. lol. I started to read inspirational books so now mood swings are slowly fading away.
        Anyway I don’t want to rant here.
        Future is just a result of the present. So I’m really glad to see that your trying to be stronger. πŸ˜€
        I don’t really know what I’m talking about but again do your best to everything~ and FIGHTING!!

      2. no..no..i’m really happy u could comment here.. πŸ™‚
        oh, and sorry for the late reply.
        i’m trying my best now, yup u’re right..i must fight for my life
        and thanks for your suggestion, i realized that recently i’m too lazy and stop reading good book including inspirational book, thats why i think i have a really terrible mood swings, i must start reading again from now on.
        thank you for replying and coming here. nice to know you, btw, where are you from ? do you have any twitter?

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