Wops, somebody search about the meaning of ‘Eung’ in korean and bump to my previous post that have that as the title. Sorry, u got nothing instead my ‘diary words’ there..hehe. but i search about that before i write this. and i found the meaning :
응 (read : eung) means yes. (my notes: sometimes i saw it on variety too and it used to express our surprise feeling, like ‘ehh?’ word *i hope someone correct this if i’m wrong.. 🙂 *)
Now start blabbering about my day again..^^. this gonna be a long post. kkk. My mood was really bad since my previous post. And i know that my previous post really ‘trash words’. huft.. its bad. Since i want to write something that can make me smile everytime i read it and that post is really had ‘sad’ and ‘bad’ feeling. but its okay, i am happy now, i’m better now, and i hope it’ll long last.
I often read fanfiction nowadays, and today i found a foreword from suju fanfic that caught my attention :here it is (credit : chsyoj @ asianfanfics.com and if you want to read the story : its here). and this is the words that caught my attention :
Useless ……… the only word that describe my life
Loneliness………. the word that I can feel towards my surroundings
Emptiness………… the word that can describe my heart.
I hate everything around me.
I hate those people who pretended that they care.
I hate myself for not even trying to stand up for myself.
I hate it.
And the one thing that reminded me of all those things are the tear drops coming from the sky.
It reminded me of pain that I was keeping..
It reminded me how digusting I am to people.
The poem (may i call it poem ?) is really match with me. hoho.. (i think its really gloomy though..)
but yup. every single line really have a meaning for me. Thats what i feel when i was slump. the ‘rain’ thing.. the ‘hate my self for not even trying to stand up for my self’..useless.. aish.. its such a mood ruiner thing..keke.
but the story of the fanfic is really far from my life. i’m still have a lot of thing better than the main cast (Haneul). yeah.. u better read it to understand.i should be thankful for what i have now. i have a lot..much of things.. maybe there are one, two, or many thing that i can’t get, i’ve missed, i still can’t reach, but indeed, i think my life have more than enough. i have a lot of things (even semething simple) that should make me happier in life.
I always nagging, and protest about my life. why like this? why like that? why there’s noone who can protect me? why there’s noone who can support me? cheer me up? Aish.. stop that. If there’s noone outside there, then i should try to add the power of myself, cheer up my self, because if there’s noone outside there and i keep nagging and protesting, noone will hear and care right? so its much much much better to waste my time to cheer my self up and make my self better. Its much better to keep my mind positive, because if i beaten by all of my bad thinking, negative thinking,i can’t move forward.
I’m okay now, i’ll be happy,, and i’ll be ok. Hwaiting git!! You can be better than now! Cheer up! ^^